Top 10 Ways to Tell if Your Parents Are Actually Leading Secret Lives
By Gini Koch
Katherine “Kitty” Katt-Martini thought her parents were average. Mom was a consultant and Dad was a history professor. Right. Turned out that her mother was in charge of a high-level, super-secret anti-terrorism unit reporting directly to the President, and her dad actually worked for NASA in their Alien Encryption department. Which worked out, because once Kitty discovered aliens were actually living on Earth, she got to find out these secrets and a whole lot more.
In honor of the release of Kitty’s latest exploits, chronicled in Alien in the House, here’s her good go-to list for how to figure out if your parents are hiding their true callings.
10. Does your mom travel a lot for business? It’s a sham. Oh sure, she’s traveling, but she’s spending time on Air Force One. Snoop around and really take a close look at those airport baggage tags.
9. Your dad’s a professor? But he has his TA’s teach all his classes? Sure tip off that he’s not an academic. See if you can find where he hangs out. It won’t be his office, at least not his office at the university. He’ll be hanging out with NASA or one of the other Alphabet Agencies.
8. Your mom always knows when you’re lying. Always.
7. Your dad is infinitely suspicious of any guy (or girl) you bring home. He claims it’s because he doesn’t think they’re good enough for you. In reality, the background check hasn’t come back yet.
6. Your mom suggests you take a martial art and other self-defense classes, participate in track and field, and can best you at all of these.
5. Your dad gives you and all your friends psych evaluation tests “for fun”.
4. Your mother is a better shot with a gun than Annie Oakley.
3. Your father does encryption decoding as a hobby.
2. Your mother telling someone to back off means they not only do it, but they wet themselves at the same time.
1. Your parents learn you’ve discovered aliens are living on Earth and that you’re dating one of them and instead of freaking out, calmly add this to their list of things they think sets you apart as a great daughter.
Gini Koch lives in Hell’s Orientation Area (aka Phoenix, AZ), works her butt off (sadly, not literally) by day, and writes by night with the rest of the beautiful people. She writes the fast, fresh and funny Alien/Katherine “Kitty” Katt series for DAW Books, the Necropolis Enforcement Files series, and the Martian Alliance Chronicles series for Musa Publishing. As G.J. Koch she writes the Alexander Outland series. She also writes under a variety of other pen names (including Anita Ensal, Jemma Chase, A.E. Stanton, and J.C. Koch), listens to all kinds of music 24/7, and is a proud comics geek-girl willing to discuss at any time why Wolverine is the best superhero ever (even if Deadpool does get all the best lines). She speaks frequently on what it takes to become a successful author and other aspects of writing and the publishing business. She is also the Lead Editor at Raphael’s Village, an online, nonpaying ’zine. Because she wasn’t busy enough, Gini’s added on featured guest columnist, reviewer, and webcaster for Slice of SciFi and It’s Comic Book Day. She can be reached through her website at www.ginikoch.com.
A look at The Kitty Kat Series: